I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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