Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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