I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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