I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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