if you like me you must not know who I am
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
