Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
