rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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