You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
