none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
