Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
