I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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