a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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