apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We got so high we made milksteak
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize