it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Let's get the cat blown out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
