Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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