Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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