Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
