I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
