I just pynch a tree in the face
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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