i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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