My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
