I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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