So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
