Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
