i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
