She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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