It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
