I feel like abortions should bother me more
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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