your thong is hanging out like whoa
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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