So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
