i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize