look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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