i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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