thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
