Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
