god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
