Plan B is the new Plan A
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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