If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
