I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
