that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
