So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need a beard to bite.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
