see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize