Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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