There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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