you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
