I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
