...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you had me at cake vodka
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
