we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
