69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
