How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize