I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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