My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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