I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
