I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize