also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
