not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
