I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize