Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
