I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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