No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
