Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize