he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
