that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
