Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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