So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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