planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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