batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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