and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
