he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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