I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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