I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
