Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just found puke in my bra..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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