so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
