It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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