the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
